The vast majority of European beetches are clean, EU environment commissioner Basha Hund claimed this week.
The news came after the European Commission decided to make public the results of a multi-billion Euro investigation into the homeless street female dogs that are found trawling, sniffing and pissing on the streets of European hub-towns. These towns include the capital of Europe – Brussels, Thawkadogpolis in Greece, and Cheinette in France.
95.2% of Europe’s beetches scrubbed up to EU standards, the report found. But the findings show a slight lapse on last year’s tighter standards. In 2007 the annual EU beetch report, which was launched last year, found that 96.2% of beetches were unsoiled.
“We would expect better quality of our beetches each year”, Hund said at a press conference in Brussels.
“Nobody wants a soiled beetch which could potentially be harmful to human health.”
The report comes just as sunnier weather is creeping into northern Europe. During the summer, more and more Europeans head for the streets to relax and stroke homeless beetches, dip their toes in road-side puddles proven to be composed of 72% beetch piss, and build castles out of the piles of dog crap that accumulate in the latest beetch ‘hang outs’.
Harmonised beetch standards across the EU ensure that 32% of all beetch excrement is organically produced, 98% of all beetch tails are non-removable (a rule intended to protect small children from choking) and that all chemicals contained in beetch piss have been pre-registered under the EU’s new BEETCH directive to control the use of potentially harmful substances.
Hund said she hopes that Europeans will have an excellent summer, filled with much quality beetch time.
Tags: annual beetch report, BEETCH directive, female street dogs, human health, organically produced potenially harmful substances, sniffing, sunny weather, Thawkadogpolis
