By Philippe Philoppe
FRENCH food chief Hercule Haw-Hee-Haw has this week slated agricultural products from everywhere in the world except France.
At a meeting of EU food bosses in Luxembourg, Haw-Hee-Haw highlighted his particular resistance to American products.
He said: “The Americans can keep their ‘orrible food. They are all fat and they know nothing about poetry.”
Lighting the first of many filterless Gauloises, Haw-Hee-Haw told journalists of his love of painting – but his failed attempts to recapture the Impressionist style had left him frustrated, he confessed. He admitted that last night he flew into such a rage he slashed several of his paintings with a knife he had previously been using to cut goat’s cheese.
Haw-Hee-Haw’s confession today sparked speculation in the European media that his criticism of non-French food had in fact been caused by a creative block, rather than an informed assessment of pan-European cuisine.
‘Ce n’est pas chouette,” commented one French reporter on the allegations, adding that Haw-Hee-Haw had been courageous enough to try a range of non-French foods, including beef jerky (US), pickled onions (UK), and Marmite (UK).
Other journalists contented themselves with throwing buns at each other, drinking excessively, and having incestuous office relationships.
Tags: 'orrible, agriculture, beef jerky, chouette, creative block, France, Gauloises, Haw-Hee-Haw, Impressionism, incestous office relationships, marmite
