People who drive half-naked when on holiday in Europe without applying sufficient quantities of sun cream will now be sentenced to one year in prison, in a plan to slash the number of combined road and skin-cancer-related deaths, the European Commission said on 16 July.
A new EU-wide system of road-side, sun cream-sensitive cameras will be in place by the end of this month, particularly at beach resorts in Spain and Greece, in time for the annual migration of Europeans to the bloc’s hot-spots.
“We have noted that in summer more Europeans die in road accidents than at any time of the year,” EU road spokesperson Aronda Bend said.
“At the same time of year, a higher percentage of people get skin cancer,” Bend continued.
“We have since put two and two together to come up with an efficient, effective, coherent and relevant framework directive that will limit fatalities in both cases; in English, we call it killing two birds with one stone.”
But the plan has hit opposition in a number of EU member states, in particular the UK.
“We fink it’s our right, I said RIGHT, to drive top-less wivout bldy suncream when we’re on ‘oliday,” one representative for the UK’s male transport authority said.
“Speedin’ up and down roads near beaches, exposing our gorwgeous glowing red skin and amping up the music attracts the birds, dunnit.”
He added, somewhat aggressively: “AND, we don’t fink it’s right to kill one bird, let alone two”, he added.
Bend, known affectionately in political circles as Bender, retorted that the EU intends to extend bird-nature protection zones this summer, anyway.
“I was merely using the word bird figuratively,” she said.
Tags: birds, dunnit, Greece, holiday, prison, rights, Spain, speedin', suncream
