Efficiency and politeness have today (Thursday) been officially outlawed in Belgium.
Extremely disorganised street parties were held across Brussels to celebrate the ban – causing angry traffic jams throughout the city, and a complete breakdown of the public transport system.
Apologising for glaring mistakes has also been banned, Belgian government officials confirmed to the BULLetin – adding that schoolboy/girl errors must be made brazenly and followed by a shrug.
A Belgian government official explained: “This group posed a serious threat to the haphazard, lackadaisical – even deliberately obstructive Belgian approach to business, something in which we have enormous national pride.
“The efficiency ban will ensure this sort of outrage never happens again inside Belgian borders.”
Extensive paperwork, queues obligatory
The efficiency veto includes detailed instructions on exactly how much cumbersome paperwork should be required by banks, post offices and other services used by Belgian residents on a daily basis.
It also stipulates that no business should at any time have a full complement of staff, and that queuing for a service should never under any circumstances take less than half an hour of a customer’s time – or 45 minutes if the queuing is taking place during their lunch break, so as to ensure that they do not also have time to pick up a sandwich.
Other regulations state that small supermarkets should be laid out in as cramped and confusing a manner as possible, and should always have a spillage of liquid – preferably oily – next to the fridge area. Owners of night shops, say the new rules, should always be on the phone when customers attempt to ask the price of their purchase – and should never break off the call to give this information but merely point at the cash register, whose screen showing the total must be a) facing the shopkeeper and not the customer and b) broken anyway.
Road works are also covered by the detailed instructions; where pedestrian passages are blocked, no alternative walkway should be provided – forcing those travelling on foot either to walk out in front of cars, or take an extremely protracted alternative route.
The politeness ban dictates that Belgian workers should never, ever apologise for causing inconvenience, frustration, distress or even mental breakdown or homelessness to their customers.
Tags: angry, Disorganised, homelessness, lackadaisical, mental breakdown, oily spillage, queue, schoolboy/girl errors, shrug
